Day 2 - Sunday 10/6 (wedding day)

My day started early. We were supposed to get up at 6am to go get our hair done but I ended up waking at 3am. My brain didn't want to take a break and my heart was ready for the day to begin. 

At 6am we left and walked across the street to her our hair done for the wedding. It took a long time but it was fun. 

(Back of Noel's hair)

(It's hard to see the detail of the work, hair pins, and hairspray that went into this!)

Afterwards we went back to the apartment and ate. 

(The apartment was relatively new and very nice. They use an electronic keypad as security and entry to apartments rather than keys)

We had the same meal as the night before and it was so delicious. Her family wanted to make sure we were eating our favorite foods. They are always very accommodating and wanting to make sure you are happy and comfortable. 

After we ate we got on our Hanboks on. I was starting to feel like a real Korean. ;)

(It was fascinating to me in even the small details like how delicately our Hanboks were put into their boxes)

(Noel, Olivia, and I)

(Olivia, me, Noel, Chagen Unee, and Ohma)

(Danielle (second oldest brother's son) and Olivia) looking about as adorable as they come. They are 4 months apart. (4 yrs old)

(Back of my Hanbok)

The wedding was very different than your typical American wedding. 

Korean's have event centers specifically used for Weddings and they are like red carpet events. One room is where the wedding takes place. This room had beautiful tables with centerpiece and a stage in the middle for the Mothers of the bride and groom to enter...as well as the couple.  

Another room is where the bride and groom have a photoshoot and across the hall is a buffet style reception with multiple rooms to accommodate multiple weddings. 

(Picture of part of the photoshoot of Noel's Niece, Hyun-Jeoung, and her husband to be)

The wedding was quite the production adorned with a huge big screen behind the couple displaying everything larger than life. While it was very Hollywood-esque...it was still done very tactfully. 

After the wedding ceremony they took more pictures of different family members and friend groups (as do many American weddings). Noel's mother (Omma) grabbed me and insisted I be in part of the family photos. :)

I don't think I took any pictures of the buffet but it was a large room and any kind of Korean foods you would you want. 

I'm not exactly sure what most of the foods on my plate were but it was good. 

This is Korean beer. Thankfully I was warned to only have a small amount. It is very strong and a lot like sake. Koreans are very formal and do not pour for themselves...they pour for each other and are very aware of when you your drink is running low. 

During the reception the bride and groom change out of their American dress and into their Hanbok. The bride is behind everyone here but I have better pictures on my camera. In this picture are Noel's sisters, sister in law, and her Ohma (mother) in the blue Hanbok. 

Edit: Pictures of the Mother of the Bride, Bride, and her new hubby in there Hanbok

After the wedding we all gathered at the oldest sister and brother in law's house. We all sat in the living room...on a couch, on the floor, at the table...wherever you could fit. 

Noel is always very good at asking me what I'm feeling. During this particular time this was my response: It's hard to put it in words but even though communication is a challenge (only a few family members speak a little English)...I felt an overwhelming sense of belonging. This wasn't my family but I felt like I was supposed to be here. We somehow made communication work through our self made sign language and google translate if we got desperate. :)

Noel's family spent well over an hour trying to accommodate my schedule and what I wanted to see and do while we are here. And though I told them not to worry and stress over it...they did. Imagine 10 Koreans talking at the same time trying to figure out out to plan my schedule. I loved it and it humored me. 

Noel's 2nd oldest brother's wife (Ol-kay) speaks a little English and she turned to me and said. "They are saying blood is thick. Blood is important. And blood is family. All the sisters say they consider you blood now. You are our sister. They want you to call them by their formal family names." In Korea family members are addressed by their relation to you (for instance "first older sister" or "second oldest sister". It will take me an eternity to remember these ways of addressing people (names are in parenthesis in this and previous post) but I'm honored to be "adopted" into their family. 

I had to hold out tears but they all took turns embracing me. 

So while I didn't find my birth family...I found my Korean family...in a different way. :)

They spent more time trying to plan our schedule and even diagramed it out in both Korean and English for me. Seriously...this amount of time planning can only be my family! 

We finally came to a conclusion (rather they did) to drive to Incheon (where Chagen Unee) and have dinner there and then stay over night at their house. 

Dinner was at this seafood restaurant on a boardwalk off the water. Noel said it was an inlet from the Ocean. The boardwalk was really cool and lit up. It had performers, games, and a few rides. 

(Ohma, Kun-Unee, me and Kun Hyunbo)

One might say the sky looks the same wherever you go...but I'd beg to differ. This felt like a different sky. Special. 

For dinner we had two big cast iron pots of Korean noodles with clams. It was so delicious!

We had some Koren beer and toasted to family and returning to Korea again. :)

(Chagen Hyunbo and Chagen Unee)

After dinner we went back to the house and laughed and helped each other take our hair down. It almost took as long to take our hair down than it did to out it up. 

Again...despite verbal communication challenges...we all laughed and somehow were able to have "discussions". Even I found a way to make them laugh and tease a little. That part of me is all Bellows. 

We went to bed exhausted around 11 or 11:30 again. 

Olivia woke up at 3am ready to go. I have a feeling I will sleep on the plane. ;)

Love and Joy, 

J

Day 1 - Saturday 10/5 (arrival)

I'm not sure if I was more excited to land because I was excited to be in Korea or if I was just happy to be on land. That was a long travel day. 

(beautiful sunset to welcome us to the Motherland)

I only slept for maybe an hour on the flight. I think I was too excited for the journey to begin. 

Noel's family met us at the airport. It was a beautiful reuniting for them and I was honored to witness such love. 

After we all got loaded into multiple vehicles, her oldest sister (Kun Unee), her husband (Kun Hyun Bo), and her 2nd oldest sister (Chagen Unee) took us directly to get fitted for our Hanboks for the the wedding. We tried on a few before they were happy with the ones they picked out. They decided to go with the more traditional Korean Hanbok. 

And just as if they knew me already...it was pink. ;)

After we rented our Hanboks in Incheon we drove to Seoung Nam where we are staying with the oldest sister and her husband (also the parents of the bride) and they made us a wonderful spread of food. 

Koreans are very hard working people and you'd think this was for a special occasion but all meals include many "side dishes" and different foods. 

This picture was actually taken before they put down the main dishes. I was in heaven! Chop Chae (noodle dish), Kim Chee...soooo yummy!

My husband would have a hard time with breakfast as all meals are similar to this. There are not specific foods that are special for each meal. It's anything goes with Korean meals. I've always been a person who could eat spaghetti for breakfast with no problems...I now know why. :)

We finally laid down to sleep around 11:30pm or so. 

Day1...though long...amazing. 

I find myself just closing my eyes and trying to try hard to remember everything ...the sights, smells...experiences. 

Love and Joy,

J

Long ass flight...

11:32pm Friday MN / 1:32pm Sat Korea

Ok. 13 1/2 hours in a plane is just mean. And why the hell didn't I upgrade to first class? (I don't want to hear it, Philip!) If ever it would be worth the money...it would be this trip. Maybe on the way home?? Trying to sleep upright is just not happening. 

This plane is ginormous. First class is on the 2nd level. I should be up there! It's amazing anything this huge can orbit into the sky. Seriously...that still is absolutely inspiring to me. 

I told Olivia that we are very special travelers this journey and that we were princesses and people would be watching us so we had to behave really well. Was it a cheap ploy to wear a pretty tiara? Ah...that doesn't sound like me at all! ;) C'mon people...I may be an emotional mess this trip but let's not get it too twisted. ;)

(Princess J, Princess Olivia, and Princess Noel)

4 1/2 more hours and I'll once again be on the soil that I spent the first 21 months of my life on. It didn't really hit me until I was talking to Brad from the airport and he said, "Oh my Gawd, Jen...you're going to Mother F*cking Korea!!". My Gawd....I. Am. Going. To. Mother. F*cking. Korea!!! It still doesn't seem quite real. I've dreamt of this for so long. 

I guess I'll take this tiara off and hope that  sleep finds me...even if just for a nice cat nap. 

Love and Joy,

J

And so our journey begins...

I think I have everything packed that I need... If not, I'll just have to shop. ;)

I made the luggage weight by ONE POUND! Any of your surprised by this? I'm in trouble on the way home. 

We're ready to roll...

Love and Joy, 

J

Good reminder...

The sun always comes out after a storm.

Today is a good reminder of the positive people I have surrounding me every day and the amazing support system I have.

Thank you so much for the sweet words of inspiration and support I've received. It really means so much to me.

My business partner treated me to lunch today.  His outlook invitation for lunch was lovingly entitled "Get the hell out of the U.S. lunch with Scooter".  HA!  He surprised me with some really thoughtful travel gifts.  A super fluffy neck pillow (in my favorite color), Mentos (our usual travel favorites), and a book our newest affiliates recommended to me last week.

Again...a good reminder of the wonderful people that I have in my life that lift me up, push me forward, and encourage me to be my best.

Soooo...the unfortunate news yesterday will not keep me down.  

I'm brushing myself off, standing tall, and gonna start packing for an amazing trip.  Yes, you read that right...I haven't started packing yet.  What the hell is wrong with me?! 

Love and Joy,
J

Dead End...

Warning...this post is just for me.  Raw emotions that just need to be typed out in hopes that I can just move on and feel better...

The search for my birth parents has come to a dead end. Korean Adoption Services cannot move forward with the search with the limited information they have.  

For someone who was so unsure of the search to begin with...I'm completely and utterly heartbroken.  This will sound nuts and I know it doesn't make sense...but today is the first time I've ever felt like an orphan.  

I just feel like so many things were coming together and I was getting so many "signs"... that I was very sure that I would find her.  I wasn't sure what I'd do with the information once we found her...but I was sure we would.  Now with it coming to a dead end...I feel very alone.  I know I'm not...but it's just how I feel right now.

My whole life I thought the search was an impossibility...but getting that small bit of information about her and having Dillon wanting to start the search...it gave me hope.  Now I wish I hadn't been given that.  Stings too much to have it swiped away again.

Dear Ms. Dunn,

I received the reply from KAS regarding the birth search for Jennifer Werth.  But it is not good news...  :(

They said that the search is not available for both of birth parents because of limited information.
 

I asked KAS to try to search of the birth mother one more time, just in case.   But please know that the possibility will be very slim.

I might not be able to give you answer before Jennifer's visit.  Anyhow I will let you know as soon as I hear from KAS back.

Is there any contact information(phone number) I can reach her while she is in Korea, just in case?

Thanks for your time.

Park, Yoon-kyung

ESWS

Ms Park at Eastern was very sweet to request KAS (Korean Adoption Services) to try to search one more time...but the results will be the same.  We just don't have enough information.

Ms Dunn told me there are other options, but they are like throwing darts in the air in hopes that they will stick to something.  They include going on a few reality TV shows in Korea of adoptees doing their search, posting a youtube video of my search, and similar things.  I'm not sure how I feel about any of those.  They feel like a shot in the dark with probably similar results.

*sigh*....

Love and Joy,

J


Edit:

I must be going through some type of grief because I drove home so I could crawl in to bed and hide under the covers for a little bit.  And by the time I got home I was so angry at my birth mother.  My thoughts were:  How could a mother give her child away and think nothing of it?  How could she never try to find me or look for me?  Was my birth just a small insignificant mistake that happened in her life and she's moved on with no thought of me?  Why is there not a letter in my file of her searching for me?!

Thankfully my husband is many times my voice of reason before I jump off the deep end and he said the words I needed to hear. He said, "I can understand how upset you are feeling.  But, you know too much to think she didn't care. You know the Korean culture is very different and the shame and guilt that would go along with giving up a child would probably prevent her from starting a search for you.  She could lose her husband...her family if they found out about you had they not already known.  And you are a mother...so you know that she could never forget about you.  She probably went through her own hell after she gave you up and maybe she still lives with it.  We don't know her life circumstances. And you should not give up..."

He's right.

But, I'm still crawling into bed and under my covers...but just for a little bit.

7 days...

7 Days =  168 hours
7 Days = 10,080 minutes
7 Days = 604,80 seconds

7 Days can go by in a blink of an eye.  

In 7 days I'll be entering the journey I've dreamed of for as long as I can remember.  I'm going home to the "motherland".  I'll be touching the ground from which I came.  I'll be surrounded by faces that look like mine.  I'll get a small taste of what my life would have been like had not fate brought me here. It really is the journey of a lifetime for me.

...and yet, I CAN wait.

Because though in 7 days I'll be starting this journey... I'll only be there for 7 days.  So, I want to enjoy each second.  Each minute.  Each hour...until then.  In hopes that my 7 days in Seoul will go slowly and fill my heart with good experiences, wonderful tastes, new knowledge, and memories that will satisfy my soul until I can return again.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me through the past few months.  It really has meant so much to me and I don't say that lightly.  Really...THANK YOU!

Brad ordered my Won for me this week.  He ordered two times what I asked him to order.  He knows me so well.  ;)

Won is South Korea's currency.  Currently it converts like this:

I'm a Wonillionaire.  Don't hate.  At least until world domination is mine.  ;)

7 Days...please take your time...

Love and Joy,
J