There's always another perspective

I am blessed with being surrounded with amazing people.   People that I learn from all the time and I'm very thankful for their presence in my life.

I received this note from a childhood friend of mine and it really touched me.  Not just because of the raw emotion in her note, but because she took the time to share something so personal and knew that it would help me in my own personal journey.  

She gave me permission to share it.  I have eliminated her name to honor her privacy.  I hope that this touches someone else the way it touched me.

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  I read your beautiful blog post. Happy Gotchya Day! I wanted to send this message privately because it's just for you.

  I AM a birth mother. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my son I placed for adoption over 33 years ago. Each day, I send him light, love, and hope for a happy, fulfilled life. The connection between mother and child is a bond that transcends the laws of the universe.

  About 4 years ago, I had a very vivid dream, just after his 29th birthday. There was a knock at my front door. When I opened the door, there was a young man standing there. He said, "Do you know who I am?" I replied, "Yes, I know who you are." When I woke, I told my husband about this amazing dream. How real it was, and it was my son.

  A few weeks later, I received a letter in the mail from Catholic Charities stating that my son has been looking for me! Since then, it's been an incredible journey. Very emotional as you can imagine. While we haven't yet met face to face, we have communicated through email, FB, and a couple of phone calls over the years.

  I am confident that all will happen in God's time.

  I just wanted to let you know Jenny, that a mother's love is never forgotten and lost. She prays for you, thinks of you, and hopes only for the best life for you....because her love for you will always be connected. She honors your mother and father. She calls the universe to protect you and guide you always. Trust your senses, she may visit you in your dreams.

  Many blessings to you and your family on your journey.

  MY LOVE, M

  
  

  Thank you for sharing this other perspective with me, M!  You are amazing and I so appreciate your note!

  
  

  Love and Joy,

  J

How to be a Korean Woman

Within days of finding out the updates of my Korean adoption file, my friend told me that "How to be a Korean Woman" was playing at the Guthrie.  It felt like so many things were telling me to continue with this search.  

Last night Brad and I met my friend (and Korea travel-mate), Noel, and her husband for dinner and the one woman play.

(Noel and I at the Guthrie)

The play was amazing and spoke to me immediately.  I started crying within 30 seconds of it starting.  Perhaps it resonated with me because of where I am in this search process.

The actress, Sun Mee Chomet, goes through her experience of searching, finding, and meeting her birth family...and what happens afterwards.  And after the 85 minute play we saw a special screening of a documentary film, Going Home, of another adoptee (Jason Hoffman) and his experience with the same. His documentary brought you along on the ride of actually meeting his birth mother and birth sister...it was beyond emotionally exhausting.  My eyes are still swollen.  The flood gates that I've tried to hard to protect and keep at bay have now been opened.  Oh boy.

It was so interesting though, because so much of what they said and felt are feelings that I share.  You know...it's so easy to feel overwhelmed and alone...but in most cases we aren't.  There is someone else that feels that way or is going through the same questions about their life.

Both of them talked about the overwhelming feeling of wanting to meet their birth mom especially...and just wanting to see their face (a face that looks like your own) and to have some answers.  And both of their journeys reminded me of how there is a person at the end of this story...at the end of the journey...that has their own story and pain.  There is a mother who gave their child up for adoption and had to live with the shame and guilt ...and heartache of giving away their baby.  There were mothers who cried for months unable to move past their grief.  It made my heart ache in a different way.

Both of them also talked about how this experience isn't over.  Even after meeting their birth mothers...the journey is not over.  And sometimes left them feeling more lonely than ever because meeting them didn't necessarily resolve anything.  There is still a long history of distance between basically two strangers who only know each other through a delivery experience and blood.

But in that sense...I am blessed.  

No matter where this journey leads and what happens...I have the support, love, and need from a family that loves me.  And I have this man...who though he can't understand the range of emotions that envelopes me now... he supports me through it and holds me closely when I need it.

Yes, I am blessed.

I leave 11 days from now... I hope I'm ready for this...

Love and Joy,

J

Gifts

Gift giving is very much a part of the Korean culture, so in preparation for my trip I've got to consider my friend's family who we will be staying with, a few people at Eastern (the President and my case worker, Ms Park), a few translators who will help my friend and I communicate with her non-English speaking family, and some just extras.  All in all...about 10 women and 10 men.

I've got 3 weeks until my trip (Oh my gosh!), work travel in between, and I don't like waiting until the last minute...so my new fellow adoptee friend, Kari, was nice enough to join me at the Mall of America for some gift shopping last weekend.  In my head I thought this cannot be that difficult.  WRONG!  It's very hard to shop within a manageable budget for people whom you have not met.  Perhaps if I wasn't a borderline perfectionist freak it wouldn't have been so hard...but we spent 4 hours shopping and I got the women done and a 4 year old boy. I still have 9 men to go.  My original idea was to get different things for everyone, but that quickly became very daunting so I settled with similar gifts for all the women.  As for the men...ARGH.  And this is all coming from a woman who generally likes to shop.  So, the search continues for my men gifts.  Stay tuned on that front.

Other than that... my emotions are suddenly catching up to me.

I brought my parents up to speed last weekend on all that I've learned over the past month.  They were very supportive about everything.  It could have been the fact that I started crying (seriously?!), but my dad said it best... It is very natural for anyone to want to find out more about their roots.  They are amazing people and I am so blessed that we found each other.  Many things had to happen for us to become a family and I am very lucky that they all transpired and we were chosen for each other.

I met my travel-mate (and friend), Noel, yesterday for lunch.  It was good to catch up and to talk about her experiences in Korea (she's been over multiple times since her birth family found her).  I'm a relatively emotional person, but I'm not really a crier.  I find it embarrassing to cry...even in front of my family.  Now, if I hit any emotion to an extreme...my first reaction is to cry, but I still hate it.  Yet, Noel said something at lunch and I really had to work hard to not start to cry.  What is happening to me?!  ARGH...I think I'd better pack lots of Kleenex.

Not much else to report.  I got my meeting at Eastern moved up to Tuesday (rather than Thursday) to give me a few extra days to process any new information I may learn while over there.  Since my appointment is at 10am, we will probably plan a touristy day in Seoul that day.  I'm really looking forward to seeing the sites.  

The next 3 weeks will fly by...I'll be in CO for 4 days next week and in IL for 3 the following week.  Lots to do still before I leave.  If anyone has seen what I pack for a 3 day work trip...it's going to be interesting how packing for this week abroad will be like.  Good lawd.  But, I've been warned to pack light.  And I don't have my work or real husband around to carry my luggage, so I should probably heed that advice since I'll be lugging it myself.  Oh boy!  ;)

Love and Joy,
J