Another day...another detail

Since facebook has become a way of life and I've returned to working outside of the home...it seems to be much easier and quicker rather than blogging my families' silly antics.

Until now.

I'm relatively an open book and tend to usually wear my feelings on my sleeve.  You know when I'm happy and you definitely know when I'm mad, but sometimes emotions are inexplicable.

As some of you know, I am making the trip of a lifetime in October.  I am going back to the place that I was adopted from for the first time.  It's been #1 on my bucket list and something that I've wanted to do for as long as I can remember.  I'm going to Seoul, Korea October 4th through the 11th.

I can't tell you how I excited I am for this upcoming journey and experience.  I'm going with my friend (Noel) who is a fellow Korean adoptee and reunited with her birth family many years ago.  We'll be staying with some of her Korean family members and as luck would have it...we will be attending her niece's wedding the weekend we arrive!  Talk about immersing yourself into the Korean culture!

As this trip has been planned it has increased my curiosity to find out about my past.  When you are adopted...you really lose a chunk of your history.  Imagine not having baby pictures or having stories of your first smile, your first word, your first step...you get the picture.  I was 21 months when I came over and really knew very little about my life in Korea.  And so my journey to fill in the gaps started.

Feel free to join me in this exploration of my past...this is how it began...

I received a copy of my adoption file at the end of January from Catholic Charities.  While I didn't learn a lot...it was an interesting read.  I was "abandoned" at a midwives clinic at a few days old.  The term abandonment in our society has a very different connotation, a negative one.  In Korea, abandoning a baby in a safe place was seen as the socially responsible and loving thing to do.  The evaluations throughout my file had similar notations:  that "she seems to be a mixed-blood child with double eyelids and dark complexion".  This was actually comforting for me to read because I've had people question me being Korean my while life.  Everyone has their own opinions on what I'm mixed with.

My file didn't have a lot surprises and very little new details, but it was something that I could hold.  A little piece of my history.

Life got busy and because my file didn't have many details in it...I just stopped thinking of it really.

Fast forward to this month (August 2013)... my trip plans started to come together and we finally booked our tickets last week.  No turning back now!  It's really shaping up to be an amazing trip.  :)

Anyways, I reached out to my contact at Dillon International (Jan) and let her know that my trip was scheduled for early October.  She recommended I visit their Eastern Division in Seoul and review my Korean file.  In the 70's adoption details were deemed sensitive and therefore many times details were not shared in their entirety to the US adoption files.  I was intrigued and agreed to have her set up a meeting with Eastern.  

Yesterday morning I received an email that changed the game...
Jan emailed me and said she was surprised to learn some new information upon Eastern's review of my Korean file and could she call me.  This piqued my interest.  She called me within a minute of my response with my cell phone number.  This is what I learned...

Thanks so much for the last minute call, Jennifer!  Here is the information from Ms. Park at Eastern: Dear Ms. Dunn, The orphanage(#233-103 Changwi-dong, Sungbuk-gu, Seoul) you mentioned is one of the previous babies' homes we run before we have moved to current location.   Mrs. Paik, Young Sook was the director of babies' home at that time.  It means that address is not the orphanage any more.    The maternity home(Midwife's clinic) where she was found is closed now.  I think this is the place where she was born.  There is no way to find the midwife who referred the adoption on behalf of the birth mother back in 1973.   The midwife's name was Lee, Soon Ae.  According to the record written by intake worker, she could only met the midwife not the birth mother because the birh mother already left the maternity home when intake worker visited there.  The birth mother said to the midwife that she was unable to raise the baby.  The birth mother went into someone's home and worked as housemaid at that time.  Also she said that the birth father was in the military and told her not to meet any more.  She was 23 years old and the birth father was 25 years old.   The birth mother left the relinquishment paper at the maternity home and the midwife passed it onto us. There is little information about the birth mother such as her name and birth date but not ID number.  And there is no legal document of hers in the file.  That means her idenfied information was not confirmed.  If she is interested in initiating search the birth mother, we are eager to do it.  Would you tell her to visit Eastern on Thursday, Oct. 10 at 10am?  Thank you.

I went into this search not knowing what to expect.  I guess I thought any small details of my life in Korea would be interesting.  It is so rare for a Korean adoptee to be reunited with their family.  Apparently less than 10% who search will find their birth parents.  And given that my US file said I was abandoned and there was no indication of who my parents were...it wasn't even a thought that I'd considered to find them. But most of all, I never expected to get the answer of the question I've lived with always. Why did my parents put me up for adoption?  I know now.  My father turned my mother away, she was young, and was a housemaid with little money.  She had no means to care for me.  I always wanted to think that they did this out of love...and she did. She hoped for a better life for me.  And she gave me just that.  I couldn't have asked for a more loving and wonderful family!

The decision to move forward with the search to find my birth parents was a quick one.  It even surprised myself because I've really had little desire to do this.  But, I'm moving forward. My expectations are low, but I feel like now is the time to do this and should we find no more details... I have the answer my heart needed.

What happens if we find them or her?  I don't know.  I'm still trying to digest the details of yesterday.  One day and detail at a time...

My paperwork has been filled out and is being submitted today.  Who know what tomorrow brings...